Movie review: ‘Commando’

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Arnold Schwarzenegger has been outstanding in some outstanding action films, such as “True Lies” (click here for my review), “Predator” (click here for my review) and, of course, in the ultimate sci-fi action franchise as “The Terminator” with that most iconic of bad-guy roles – and yet he becomes a good Terminator in the sequel. So, Arnie knows action and he does the over-the-top, one-man-kills-all in “Commando” from 1985. It isn’t a good film … heck, it’s not even a so-so film. But you gotta see as Arnie goes all kick-ass on just about everyone here – and he not only shoots them, he even takes them out with garden utensils. Rae Dawn Chong is along for the ride here and adds the only touch of class you’ll find (not always as an actor, though). If you can take the graphic warfare violence, you’ll probably like “Commando” because the shoot-’em-up violence is almost comic.

‘Commando’
(1985; 90 minutes; rated R; directed by Mark L. Lester and starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rae Dawn Chong and Dan Hedaya)

GOOD ACTION, BUT SUSPEND YOUR DISBELIEF

(NOTE: I expanded this review with additional trivia and opinion and updated links on June 4, 2018.)

Arnold Schwarzenegger uses “Commando”` to follow in the footsteps of many other action film stars where the hero kills a bad guy for each shot he fires, while dozens of enemies fire hundreds of rounds from dozens of assault rifles and machine guns at him and only manages a scratch at worst. While fun to watch sometimes, it’s not always the best of genres.

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Arnie knocks ’em off fast and furious here and the 1½ hours speeds along. So, if you even like action a little bit, you’ll certainly enjoy “Commando.” The acting isn’t great here (actually, it is pretty lame across the board) and you’ll really have to suspend your disbelief not only at the action but the plot, too, since it is as dead-on-arrival as Schwarzenegger’s enemies. Still, it has become somewhat of a cult classic in action circles.

In “Commando,” Schwarzenegger is living a peaceful life with his daughter in an idyllic mountain setting (perfect for the car chase to come … sorry, I’ll suspend my disbelief). They have ice cream; they swim; and they even pet a deer (those tears in your eyes here aren’t from the scenes but the pain from the familial stereotypes). It all ends when he gets drawn into a conspiracy to assassinate a foreign leader who he helped in the past.

So begins “Commando,” where Arnie will jump out of a jet taking off (nice soft landing in the swamp); will beat up an entire force of mall rent-a-cops; kill a couple of mercenaries; and then take on a whole army on a private island and kill more than 70 there (by my unofficial count) before wrapping things up in a nice, positive ending. In 2013, a writer posted a story (with graphic) that notes Arnie is the most prolific screen killer of all time – click here to read it – and another story noted how “Commando” ranks 74th as the movie with the most kills (88) – click here to read that story. Oh, yes, since Arnie does just about all the killing here, his kill-count is nearly the complete number.

  • A Golden Globe winner (not for this one), Schwarzenegger plays “John Matrix” and it comes as absolutely no surprise that he does his usual wooden acting here. You’ve seen it before (say in the original “Total Recall”) and you’ll most likely see it again. Still, give him a check mark for trying. Like in many of his films, he drops one-liners everywhere and some are effective while others not so. One of my favorites of Arnie’s is his work with Danny DeVito in “Twins” (click here for my review). He won for Best Acting Debut in 1977 for “Stay Hungry” and was nominated for “Junior” from 1994. Of course, Arnie will forever be “Conan the Barbarian” in the hearts of many fans.
  • Rae Dawn Chong, who was way much better in “American Flyers” (watch that one instead of “Commando” if you have a choice – click here for my review), “Quest for Fire” and “The Color Purple,” plays “Cindy” and tries to do a good job and has energy, but she appears out of her element and the lame screenplay doesn’t help her do a decent job. She’s at her screechiest worst when confronting Arnie in a car.
  • The actor who would be in his squad in “Predator” but loses a fight-to-the-death here is Bill Duke as “Cooke.” Duke has nearly as many credits as a director on films and TV as he does acting and he does a solid job here with less than average material. Duke did very good if not exceptional work in supporting roles in “No Man’s Land” with Charlie Sheen (click here for my review) and “American Gigolo” with Richard Gere.
  • You most likely won’t recognize this supporting actor: Alyssa Milano. That’s right, a 12-year-old Milano, who has also been in TV’s “Who’s the Boss” and more recently “Castle” as well as and movies “Hall Pass” and “Fear.” Milano has a small role as Schwarzenegger’s daughter “Jenny Matrix” and she out-acts all the adults here, but that’s not saying much.
  • The baddest bad guy is Vernon Wells, who plays “Bennett” and is an ally turned homicidal foe of Schwarzenegger. Wells, who was the mohawked biker in “Mad Max2: The Road Warrior,” does the most with his role in this one. He easily conveys violence, the threat of violence and ditto for all forms of being a menace. Good job. Wells was also the biker leader (dressed the same as in “Max”) in John Hughes’ “Weird Science” (click here for my review) and was also in “Innerspace” (click here for my review).

Here’s my look at some of the other people who called themselves “actors” for this film:

  • A Primetime Emmy nominee, Dan Hedaya plays bad guy leader “Arius,” who wants to take over a foreign country by having Arnie kill him. He doesn’t do either a good or bad job here. Hedaya is saddled with a role with the most meager amount to work with and he didn’t do much with much. He is better known as “Nick Tortelli” (“Carla’s” husband) from TV’s classic “Cheers” as well as having been in “The Usual Suspects.” Hedaya also notched work on TV series “ Elsewhere” and “Hill Street Blues.”
  • Prolific actor Bill Paxton, who also was in “Weird Science,” “Aliens” (click here for my review) and “Apollo 13,” has a small role here as “Intercept Officer.” It’s an entirely forgettable character (as I’m sure he has forced himself to forget it). He was quite underrated in the near-perfect vampire flick “Near Dark” (click here for my review). Paxton died at 61 in 2017 following heart surgery.
  • David Patrick Kelly plays “Sully,” one of the bad guys who Schwarzenegger drops off a cliff (“I let him go,” Arnie tells Chong in the car). He’s not bad in this one, but, like for other actors, his lines just are not conducive to doing a good job. Kelly was also in “K-PAX,” was the bad guy in “The Warriors” (click here for my review) and was solid in “48 Hrs.” I also liked his work as a lowlife in “Dreamscape.”

IMDb.com calls them “goofs” and there’s a bunch of them in “Commando.” For example, when Schwarzenegger wrecks an opponent’s Porsche it has obvious damage on the driver’s side. After Arnie pushes the car upright and drives away, the side is unscratched (although it is damaged again in the next scene when he drives into a motel parking lot). Click here to a read the expansive list of “goofs.”

“Commando” did very well at the box office as it was the 21st ranked film of the year at U.S. theaters with $35.1 million in ticket sales, according to Box Office Mojo. With a worldwide take of $57.4 million on a $10 million budget, it was as much a success financially as it wasn’t a success with critics. The No. 1 film of 1985 was “Back to the Future” with $210.6 million. Here are the films from 1985 that I’ve reviewed for this blog:

Assorted cast and film notes (via IMDb.com):

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