Merry Christmas! Films to have watched, stinkers to forget

FloridaGator80

Today is Christmas Day, so season’s greetings and I hope that Santa got you everything you were hoping to receive (maybe a Red Ryder BB gun?). I’m going to write briefly (this is NOT an official review, but I will count it as one) about any of these films and you’ll find links to those I’ve reviewed. I’ll tell you about the two films that completely define Christmas – at least for me. Also, I’ll point up some that are watchable; legendary Christmas films, but I don’t like the old black-and-white efforts; and, finally, several horrid efforts that you shouldn’t ever watch and they should be roundly condemned each holiday season.

(NOTE: I expanded this Merry Christmas blog entry by updated links and giving some additional insight – you’ll call it opinion – about Christmas movies on Dec. 25, 2016. This blog entry was original published on Dec. 25, 2014. I expanded the review again on Dec. 23, 2020. I again expanded the review on Dec. 24, 2022.)

I know there are a bunch of other neat Christmas season films and … yawn … they’ll have been all over the cable and dishes throughout the after-today-to-be-passed season until next year. I’m just giving my opinion here since it’s my blog. However, feel free to understand I am completely correct here.

(CLICK here … for all my Christmas movie reviews)
(CLICK here … for all my reviews of movies)
(CLICK here … for a chronological list of my reviews)

The two best Christmas films of all time are, without any doubt:

Both are the gold standard for the season and “A Christmas Story” even has become so iconic that it runs 24 hours straight on the TBS network beginning each Christmas Eve at 8 p.m. and running through 8 p.m. on Christmas Day. Both films are re-run throughout the Christmas season on many networks and if you cannot find the showings then you must not have a television or have streaming capability on your tablet or home computer.

Both “Christmas Vacation” and “A Christmas Story” are kids’ movies at heart. “Christmas Vacation” is from the perspective of a man who wants to bring his Christmas fantasy to life by inviting all his relatives to his house for Christmas, while “A Christmas Story” is the story of a boy from the late 1930s or 1940s and his wish for a BB gun (I say 1930s because one magazine seen in the film is from 1937 while other references indicate as the later 1940s).

Both have terrific comedic roots:

Bob Clark, who directed and was co-writer of the adapted screenplay for “A Christmas Story” in 1983, had the year before brought the outstanding classic raunchy comedy “Porky’s” (click here for my review) to the big screen and would bring its sequel to theaters five months before the debut of “A Christmas Story.” You wouldn’t think that the same director and guiding genius could do both, but it shouldn’t be surprising since both films are so wonderful.

The writer of 1989’s “Christmas Vacation” is the legendary John Hughes, who brought the “Brat Pack” to America’s theaters. It is the sequel to “National Lampoon’s Vacation” and both star Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo. Hughes adapted the screenplay for the Christmas film from his short story for “National Lampoon” magazine (click here to read his original short story titled “Christmas ’59”). The Christmas story was the sequel short story to his original “Vacation ’59” short story for “National Lampoon” (click here to read it).

So, no wonder they are the class of Christmas films.

Close, but no cigar, despite being a comedy classic with Jamie Lee Curtis, Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd, is “Trading Places” (click here to read my review). It begins around Christmas and runs through the new year — and some consider it a “Christmas” film. I don’t (for the most part). Watch it. Watch it many times. Even at Christmas. But it’s not purely a “Christmas” film.

I almost let this one into the upper pantheon of Christmas films because it is so underrated. After another viewing or two, I know now that it is simply a sensational Christmas movie. It stars Nic Cage and Téa Leoni and both do great jobs, but she outshines him by the end. It’s the story of rich man who cares nothing about anything except making money – even working on Christmas. Of course, he gets sent into a situation where he married Téa, instead of letting her go when they were young. Now, he’s a somewhat blue-collar middle-manager as well as a father and husband. If you haven’t seen this one, then do so immediately (even if not on Christmas day or the holiday season). It is a worthy motion picture with excellent characters and acting.

Now, for a few solid Christmas films always worth your time:

Although the first two “Home Alone” films are tremendously popular, I’m not as into them as I am the ones I labeled Christmas’ “best.” However, the “Home Alone(s)” are very good and obviously worth watching at Christmastime. In fact, they make, along with “Jingle All the Way,” a nice break in the incessant watching of “A Christmas Story” and “Christmas Vacation.” “Jingle All the Way” is a light-hearted, shallow romp with Arnold Schwarzenegger that you’ll enjoy. Don’t even consider watching the sequel to “Jingle All the Way” as “Larry the Cable Guy” replaces Arnie (really, I’m not kidding to make a point and the only way it could be less watchable would be to co-star a lowlife such as Billy Ray Cyrus – or his even less talented daughter and more of a lowlife, Miley).

Now, here are the legends:

OK, OK. They’re great. Yea. Ho-hum. Blah, blah, blah. I’m not partial to old films and certainly not ones with which social convention says you have to like at Christmas. I’m not sold and will watch “Christmas Vacation” one more time (and, believe me, I’ve seen that one dozens of times) rather than either of these. BTW … “Miracle on 34th Street” from 1947 won three Oscars (including best actor for Santa … OK, Edmund Gwenn as “Kris Kringle”) and was nominated for Best Picture, while “It’s a Wonderful Life” from 1946 was nominated for five Oscars including picture, actor (the legendary James Stewart) and director (another legend, Frank Capra).

Finally, I’ll tell you about three that are just reprehensible:

“Bad(der) Santa” from 2003 is just a showcase for execrable, alcoholic behavior (you know, all the wonderful Christmas traditions) by Billy Bob Thornton, who is a career criminal who gets a job each year as a mall Santa so he can rob the place with his little person sidekick. It’s vulgar, reprehensible and you shouldn’t watch it. I know it’s a neat premise (Santa robbing the mall), but Thornton’s is just so repulsive, vulgar and profane it cannot be counted as a Christmas movie despite the subject, season and title. And it got worse in 2016 with the release of “Bad Santa 2.” Wow. I thought enough pain had been inflicted with the first.

“A Merry Friggin’ Christmas” from 2014 has a collection of the biggest jerks, negative Nellies and just unwatchable people at Christmas you could have gathered. Robin Williams is especially terrible here (while Candice Bergen should be ashamed of herself for doing this one) and I was hoping for much more from Joel McHale. Don’t watch it. It is beyond redemption.

As for “A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas” from 2011, I have to first note that I completely enjoyed both “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle” and the even better “Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay” (brevity in titles is not a hallmark of this duo – click here for my review). However, “H&K Christmas” stinks from beginning to end. It has no purpose except for putting weed in 3D or trying to cash in on a holiday movie that is just as reprehensible as “Bad(der) Santa.” Of course, Kumar burns down Harold’s special Christmas tree with a joint and then the story is them trying to find another tree. Sigh. A complete waste of talent by two talented individuals.

Well, there you have it. What you should have watched this season and what you shouldn’t in the future.

Merry Christmas and have a happy New Year!

© Chuck Curry and A Gator in Naples, 2014-2016, 2020, 2022.
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